Well, here is my first edition of Mad Lists as I will be using this to make countdowns of favourite things and least favourite things and such... With that, I give you the Top 5 movie themes that are not the main theme of the movie. Some movies are known for their main themes, as are the 5 movies mentioned on this list, but within their soundtrack lies another awesome piece of music that matches the main theme's quality, and in some cases surpasses it... Enough of the bullshit, let's get on with this, shall we? 5. Freedom Isn't Free (Team America)
Composer: Harry Gregson Williams
No explanation needed... Just give your $1.05, shut up, and move on
4. Why So Serious? (The Dark Knight)
Composer: Hans Zimmer
This one brings me back to when I saw The Dark Knight in theatres for the first time. Hearing that slow, haunting string build-up as the bat symbol comes out of the blue fire really lets you know what you're going to be in for. Hans Zimmer did a wonderful job capturing the essence of the Joker with this theme. I just love how this piece of music is just as chaotic and unpredictable as the character it was composed for...
3. T-1000 theme (Escape From the Hospital) (Terminator 2: Judgment Day)
Composer: Brad Fiedel
Just like the #4 entry on this list, this theme represents its film's respective villain perfectly. How awesome is it to hear "bwoaaammm" every time the T-1000 appears on screen? And how breathtaking is it to hear this theme go berserk when he starts chasing John Connor on his dirtbike (Dat percussion)? Brad Fiedel is an underrated composer, and this piece of work is fantastic!
2. Imperial March (Star Wars) Composer: John Williams
I'm sure that, when you saw the title of this list, that you thought this would be at number 1, and I'm sure you're pissed that it's not number 1. Hey, it doesn't mean I don't think this piece is awesome, because it is! Reminiscent of Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries", the Imperial March beautifully represents the Galactic Empire in all it's evil goodness. Who can ever forget hearing this theme as the Superstar Destroyer casts a shadow over all the Star Destroyers? It's an amazing tune, and might I say that it's John Williams's finest composition. But number 1 on my list? Nope, pretty damn close though...
1. The Ecstasy of Gold (The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly)
Composer: Ennio Morricone
This is... just epicness piled onto a giant pile of epic. This is not only my favourite non-main theme, this is my personal favourite piece of movie music ever! This singlehandedly made Tuco's run through a cemetery the most epic thing in the world. That's how beautiful this piece is, it can make anything you do sound amazing. Just try listening to this tune when you're doing any mundane task, like taking out the trash or walking to 711 and buying a slurpee, it'll make you feel like you're taking on an army all by yourself! I love Ennio Morricone and I think this is his finest piece of music, and that's saying a lot! You're bloodless if this tune doesn't give you shivers...
I know plenty of Metallica fans are happy with my selection, and I know plenty of Star Wars fans will be pissed... But hey, it's only my measly opinion, but tell me what you think in the comments below. Be nice... Or mean, I don't give a fuck...
- Mad Mike of Metal
PS. Stay tuned in the next few hours as I will be reviewing a teen classic!
"You know, kids, a lot has changed since your old Uncle Joker's been away. New Gotham, new rules, even a new Batman. But now I'm tanned, I'm rested and I'm ready to give this old town a wedgie again!" Well, as promised, this is my first review on an animated feature, as well as my first review on a Batman movie. When I was thinking of which cartoon film I should review first, I had plenty of options, as there are tons of animated classics that I can give my opinion on. But instead, I decided to go for one of the most underrated movies I've ever seen... So here we go.
Back in the late 90's, everything and everyone was obsessed about the future:What would it look like? How would we live? What will mankind be capable of? Will we ever have hoverboards and flying cars? The thoughts and possibilities were endless! Of course, Warner Bros and the creators of Batman: The Animated Series got caught up in this "future craze" as well... And was resulted was one of the greatest animated TV shows of all time: Batman Beyond. Set in 2039, the show introduced us to Terry McGinnis, who becomes the new Batman after bumping into Bruce Wayne, (and after Terry's father is killed). We learn that Gotham is just as fucked as it was in the past and that Batman must return. Unfortunately, Bruce Wayne is too old to do it himself, so he decides to take on the role of a mentor to young Terry, and help clean up the streets of Gotham once again.
The show wasn't as praised or as popular as TAS, however it maintained a strong cult following at the time, strong enough to get its own movie. Since many TAS purists were disappointed that pretty much all of their favourite villains were nowhere to be found (with the exception of Freeze's head), Paul Dini and company decided to bring back the greatest Batman foe of them all. With that, we end up getting Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker. Citing the return of the iconic Clown Prince of Crime, this was a movie that attempted to bridge the gap between TAS and Batman Beyond... And what was the result? A fucking awesome movie! That's what!!!
The movie opens with the Jokerz gang stealing a plot device, when Batman comes in to stop the theft. He is then taken on a big flight cruise around Gotham, fighting on aircrafts with Bonk and DeeDee. Eventually (after Bonk swings around on a flagpole) Batman thwarts the Jokerz plan. We then find out that Bruce Wayne has taken back control of Wayne Enterprises, which doesn't sit too well with company hotshot Jordan Pryce... And then, while the Jokerz gang are in a meeting, we finally see the man we've all been waiting for: The Joker. He looks around the same age and he is alive and well. He's also ready to wreak havoc on the people of Gotham, just like the old days.
So what exactly did I love about this movie? For starters, I loved that the Joker came back. The Joker is the most popular and beloved villain in the Batman universe, and possibly in all of comic books, so we all knew the Joker would have to make an appearance at some point in Batman Beyond. It made sense not only from a marketing standpoint, but from a story standpoint as well: His return offered up a fish-out-of-water type of story arc in regards to Terry McGinnis's character, which I thought was genius. Not only has he never faced the Joker, he's never even heard of the Joker (how is that even possible?), which means he has no idea who or what he's dealing with, or what he's up against. So Terry is challenged in ways that he's never been challenged before, and all Bruce Wayne can do is reluctantly watch.
The Joker character seems to be a lot more sinister this time around (you can thank a PG-13 rating for that). He loves to make things more personal: he makes his grand return at Bruce Wayne's function; he gets the Jokerz gang to attack Terry and his girlfriend Dana at a dance club, hospitalizing Dana in the process; he attacks Bruce's dog Ace, and then attacks Bruce Wayne himself with laughing gas... in his own batcave no less! Not to mention that he gains control of a military satellite which he will eventually use to wipe Gotham off the map. He even sounds meaner and darker here than he did in TAS. Kudos to Mark Hamill for once again doing amazing voice acting job for this character!
The voice acting in this movie is phenomenal, as well as the animation. The looks of despair on Bruce Wayne's face after being made aware of Joker's return is amazingly done, as well as the deep, darkly voice that we've come to expect from Kevin Conroy. We brilliantly see a mixture of the very grim looking Gotham City with the look of a very slick and polished futuristic version of the city. Will Freidle once again impresses with his performance as the young wisecracking Terry McGinnis Batman. Mark Hamill does a good job of playing the film's other antagonist, Jordan Pryce.
That brings me to my next point, I loved how the movie did everything to make you believe that Jordan Pryce was the Joker, down to having the exact same actor pay him! But then, you're floored when you find out that Pryce is just another pawn in the Joker's game. You're even more mindfucked when the movie reveals to you that it's actually an old Tim Drake as the Joker, you're like "how the fuck did Joker manage that?" Now, the way they did it was pretty lame in my opinion, but I'll get to that later.
What were my favourite moments? Well, it's tie between the flashback sequence, and the film's climactic battle between Batman and Joker. Barbara Gordon (now commissioner) decides to explain what happened on the last night of Joker's life. Well, turns out he kidnapped Tim Drake, brainwashed him, and tried to force him to kill Batman, all while Batgirl is fighting with Harley Quinn, who ends up falling down a crevasse to her doom. I love it when Joker calls Batman by his true name, and then taunts him with his "It would be funny if it weren't so pathetic speech." I loved it because you really see how Joker always manages to bring out the absolute worst in Batman, just so he can make Batman sink to his level. After incapacitating the Bat, Mistah J decides to give Tim his gun to shoot B-man with. Unfortunately, he misses and ends up shooting and killing the Joker. My favourite part is when you hear Harley singing "Hush little baby", the way she sings it is so creepy and sinister that I actually felt a little uneasy listening to it. I was thinking "oh fuck, what did they do to Tim?"
I loved the battle between Batman and Joker at the end because... well... I won't give away too much, but Terry's Batman essentially beats the Joker at his own game. It was amazingly entertaining to watch!
Now, what did I not like about this movie? Well... two things. One was how the Joker was written into it: When he kidnapped Tim Drake, he managed to upload his consciousness into a little chip, and placed it on the back of Tim's neck. Here's my problem with that: Even if you're willing to roll with the whole "uploading his mind into Tim's" technobabble (which I did), am I really supposed to believe that Tim never felt that on his neck for nearly 40 years? Just seemed too convenient for me, and it took me out of the movie for a bit.
The other thing I didn't like was that the title of the movie was a spoiler. To me, it should've been named simply Batman Beyond: The Movie or something like that. Could you imagine the fanboy boners being popped when they hear Mark Hamill's voice and the Joker appearing out of the shadows? Not knowing he was going to be in it? It would've been better not to reveal the Joker in the title for the sake of DVD sales. Word of mouth would've gotten around pretty quickly and sales might've been equivalent to what Warner Bros got. Heck, sales might've even been better! This was just a minor nitpick though., to be honest..
In conclusion, while this movie does have one massive plot hole, it's still one of my favourite Batman movies and one of my favourite animated movies of all time! If I did a top 10 list of my favourite animated features, as well as favourite Batman movies, Return of the Joker would definitely make an appearance on both of those lists. It's no Mask of the Phantasm, but it's still an amazing movie that pays homage to TAS as well as introducing Batman Beyond to new fans.
I'm giving this movie 94 Joker Teeth out of 100. Or, if you whiney babies want a more simple rating, I give it 4.7 stars out of 5.
As usual, use the comments section to tell me how badly you want me to die...
On today's edition of Mad Talk, I've decided to stray away from movies for a little bit to talk to you about another passion I have: Music... Heavy Metal music to be more specific. I wrote this article on my old blog a few years ago, but I still feel like it's a good read and relevant in the metal community. I hope you enjoy it!
Let me start off by saying that I have
been a metal fan since I was old enough to understand music. I’ll never forget
the day I listened to Master of Puppets for the first time, that’s when I knew
this was the music for me, my life changed forever that day. From then on, I
started to listen to more metal bands and my knowledge and love for this art
form grew exponentially. I enjoyed the music’s intensity, energy, darkness and
attitude. I also love the fact that you can go anywhere with it, musically or
lyrically. But what I loved about it more than anything was that this music
embraced the fact that I’m a total freak, a weirdo, an outsider, whatever
people label us nowadays, and it allowed me to accept who and what I am when the
rest of the world around me wasn’t. That is why I am devoting the rest of my
life to this scene, I owe it that much.
However, lately I’ve been discovering a
big problem going on in our subculture: this obsessive, snobby elitist attitude
that is spreading in our world like AIDS, and I feel the need to address it.
While I am a metalhead at heart and
always will be, I’ve expanded my horizons musically in order to have a better
understanding of theory, understand other music, and to see how I can incorporate
other musical styles into my drumming. I listen to jazz (Buddy Rich mostly),
symphony (stuff like Wagner, Shostakovich, and movie composers like John
Williams, Danny Elfman, Ennio Morricone etc.), blues (George Thorogood, Stevie Ray Vaughan,
John Lee Hooker, shit like that), and of course, I listen to classic rock and
hard rock like the Beatles, Aerosmith, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and
last but not least, Rush. I even listen to punk and post hardcore bands like
the Offspring, Green Day, and A Day to Remember. I could care less if that
makes me a poser in anyone’s eyes, because I know in my heart that I’m not.
In the summer of 2011, I went to the
Vans Warped Tour with my best friend, he had no one to go with, and so being
the good friend I am, I offered to go with him. I had never been to a
punk/hardcore festival of any kind at the time, but I wanted to check it out
because there were a few bands that I liked that were playing there, and also I
wanted to get into a festival atmosphere as a warm-up for the inaugural Heavy
T.O. metal festival going on in Toronto a week later. Warped tour was a great
time, illScarlett (a local reggae-punk band) put on a great show, and ADTR blew
everyone away. I got battle scars from the various pits and WOD’s I entered,
and plenty of merch was either purchased or handed to me. But what I remember
most about that day were all the people walking around in Metallica or Iron
Maiden shirts, heck, I even saw someone in Cannibal Corpse shirt if I remember
correctly. What blew me away was that said people blended in well with everyone
else. They weren’t getting chastised or singled out by any punk or hardcore
fans, and they seemed to have just as much fun as anyone else. When I went home
that night, I thought to myself: “You know, if I went to any metal show wearing
an Offspring or ADTR shirt, I’d be eaten alive!
I am noticing that the metal scene is
becoming more and more like Star Trek, which by that I mean that it’s an
amazing and beautiful work of art that’s getting a bad reputation by its fan
club. More and more all I am seeing when I go to an online metal forum, or a
metal concert, is an elitist attitude displayed by our fans. People going out
of their way to tell you their taste in music is better than yours and that
you’re not a real metal fan, we all know the sayings:
“x band sold out with their last album,
blah blah blah...”
"x band isn’t tr00 kvlt metal...”
“If you like x band, you’re a poser,
blah blah blah...”
“Nu metal is SHIT, glam is SHIT,
deathcore is SHIT, blah blah blah...”
It’s getting really fucking monotonous
and it is giving our scene a bad name, so to the people who are like this, I
have a message for you: STOP IT!
First of all, there is no such thing as
“selling out.” Allow me to paraphrase Lemmy by saying that the
whole reason you
play and create music is to have people hear it and buy it, regardless if it’s
50 people or 50 million people. Any musician who says they don’t want to get
rich and famous off of their music is completely full of shit.
The whole “sell out” bullshit has really
gotten out of hand. I can remember people saying Amon Amarth sold out with Twilight
of the Thunder God (Quite laughable considering Death Metal gets no mainstream
attention at all). The sad part is this is not the first time this has happened,
I can remember people saying Maiden sold out with The Number of the Beast
(what?), and I know of some Pantera fans who think they sold out WHEN THEY
ABANDONED THEIR GLAM SOUND AND STARTED PLAYING GROOVE METAL! The next one is my
favourite: I can remember just last year reading about Cannibal Corpse fans
calling CC sellouts and “disowning” the band because they were playing
Knotfest, headlined of course by nu-metal legends Slipknot. Let me repeat that
for you: CANNIBAL CORPSE WERE BEING CALLED SELLOUTS BECAUSE THEY PLAYED ON THE
SAME BILL AS SLIPKNOT! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? What really fried me was it
wasn’t just one person saying it, it was a whole faction of people saying it.
Do you people even realize how stupid you sound? Grow the fuck up.
That’s another thing: these elitist
pricks are way too selective when it comes to what bands are metal or not. Let
me ask you people this: If Slipknot or System of a Down isn’t metal, then what
the fuck are they? Are they post-industrial progressive hard rock-core? Get
real for fuck sakes.
NEWSFLASH: There are different types of
metal other than thrash or death. Nu-Metal, while not as good as other
sub-genres, is still metal because it is metal with hardcore and hip-hop
influences. Metalcore is metal too, because it is a combination of metal and
hardcore. With that being said, crossover thrash is technically metalcore, so if
you’re a Suicidal Tendencies fan, yet you bash metalcore, punch yourself in the
face. The same can be said with Deathcore because it’s Death Metal with
hardcore breakdowns. Glam Metal, Djent, and Industrial Metal are all subgenres
of metal too. Hate to break it to you guys, but those subgenres are all
evolutionary stages of this music. You don’t have to like it, but don’t call it
“false metal” or “poser shit” simply because it’s not your shot of JD. If you
people opened your minds just a little bit, you’d notice there is a lot of
talent to be heard in those types of music, I think opening minds is asking too
much from some people though.
The word “poser” is the most overused
word in our subculture, and like that “sellout” thing, it has gotten completely
out of hand. Guess what assholes, if a person listens to primarily metal bands,
regardless if it’s deathcore or old school thrash, then said person is a
metalhead, period. A real poser is someone who wears a Kill ‘Em All shirt and
says his/her favourite songs on the album are Enter Sandman and One. Just
because someone listens to more popular metal bands than you do, or hasn’t
researched the underground scene more than you have, doesn’t make him a poser.
Here’s another piece of advice: Say you
talk to a guy who loves Slayer and Cannibal Corpse, but has never heard of
Kreator, instead of casting him out and calling him a poser, why don’t you
suggest the band to him and tell him to listen to Pleasure to Kill or Terrible
Certainty? Hell, while you’re at it, tell him to look up Destruction,
Sodom, and Accept. This will introduce him to the entire Teutonic scene that he
might otherwise have never been exposed to. Being proactive can’t be that hard,
right? Well, these are elitists that I’m talking about, so...
These elitists are becoming more and more
sexist too. They see a girl in a Megadeth shirt, and instead of talking to her
and drooling over her like any normal guy would do, they just call her a poser
because “oh she’s only wearing that to look hot and fit in, she doesn’t
actually like them.” I’m just gonna stop there because there are no words to
explain how stupid and stuck-up that is. Her favourite song might be Tornado of
Souls, and she knows that Mechanix is the song Metallica re-wrote as The Four
Horsemen, but she’s a girl, so she’s not a real metalhead, right? Give me a
fucking break. Seriously guys, for the first time in a long time, women are
getting into this music in large numbers... STOP SCARING THEM AWAY!
To me, metal has always been a culture
of independence, a culture that will accept you no matter what you are,
regardless if you’re white, black, red, brown, yellow, male, female, she-male,
cybernetic, whatever. It embraces the fact that you’re different. It does not
oppress you, it doesn’t judge you, and it won’t cast you out. It welcomes you
with open arms and keeps you for life.
That is why elitism in our movement
needs to stop, because it is transforming this scene into the very things it
was against. To paraphrase Friedrich Nietzsche: “If you want to defeat a
monster, be sure that you don’t become the monster yourself”. Metal is starting
to become that monster before our very eyes and that monster is hurting metal
more than any “poser” or –core genre ever will.
If any elitists are reading this, please
get over yourselves. Listen to your metal, and let everyone else listen to
their metal. Throw your horns up high and let all of us do the same. After
all...
“We are as one as we are all the same,
fighting for one cause."
There you have it, I hope you enjoyed that article. If you want to see anymore posts from me you can click on some of the links to your right. If you think my opinion is smart or stupid, or if you just want to troll, then comment below and I'll be sure to read how I deserve an arrow to the knee or some shit... I'm out!
Also, stay tuned for next week as I will be doing my first review on an animated feature!
To state the obvious, we are in the golden age of comic book movies. The impact that these types of movies have had on Hollywood and pop culture is equivalent to what Westerns were in the 50s and 60s, and action-adventures in the 80s. About 90% of the best superhero movies ever made have been released in the past 10 years and they have dominated the box office left and right...
But I must ask, when will superhero movies jump the shark? When will we reach the tail end of this era? When will comic books loosen their seemingly invincible stranglehold on Hollywood? Well, after watching X-Men: Days of Future Past, I must say that nothing of the sort will be happening any time soon!
We begin our adventure in the future, I guess (I'd imagine that it would be around 2014). Sentinels created years ago have essentially taken over the world and are picking off mutants one at a time. Professor Xavier Picard tells us this was all the cause of a midget doctor named Trask. He began developing the sentinel program in the early 70s, but wasn't getting much support for it... Until he was murdered by Mystique, which led to the US government to go ahead with further developing this program. Mystique was then captured and her morphing power was used to make the sentinels complete. Years later, sentinels completely fucked shit up, and now the remaining mutants can only do one thing: rip off Terminator...err... I mean... Go back in time and stop Mystique from killing Trask.
How is this done, you ask? Well, by Kitty Pryde getting into Wolverine's mind and putting him back in 1973, of course! He is then put on a mission where he has to bring a now smack-addicted Xavier back together with his old pal Eric, aka Magneto, in order to stop mystique from killing Trask, thus preventing the sentinel program from getting green-lit. What follows is some awesome action, strong character development, and brilliant special effects!
I know I made a few wisecracks at this film, but honestly, this is one of the best superhero movies I've ever seen outside of the Dark Knight trilogy. Heck, I might even say that this is the best Marvel-based comic book movie ever made! And that's saying a lot! This movie has it all: A dark serious tone, great comic relief, great social commentary, and, well... Some epic badassery! So what do I love about this movie? Well...
For starters, I love how character driven this film is, and I think that's exactly how a movie like this should be. X-Men is loaded with unique and interesting characters to begin with, and since this movie deals with 2 time periods, the only direction to go is to focus on strong character development over how much action and destruction is in the movie. Bryan Singer understands that, and so do I. Now, a character driven story might turn off a lot of moviegoers nowadays, but have no fear for those people, Transformers 4 is coming out in a month.
Now I'm not saying Days Of Future Past is completely devoid of amazing action. The RFK stadium sequence is absolutely breathtaking. Magneto decides to be just as ambitious as Bryan Singer and decides to lift an entire stadium off the ground and move it all the way to the White House, completely enclosing it in the process. This sets up one hell of an emotional climax that almost had me tearing up... It was that good!
Now another amazing action sequence involving Quicksilver... But I will not spoil it here... It's too fucking awesome to describe and it's my favourite action sequence if the whole movie. It perfectly blends intensity, action, and some offbeat humour. With so many amazing characters and amazing moments, this was one of the showstoppers of the movie.
Keywords in that last sentence: "One of." The other show stealing scene, not to mention my favourite part of the whole fucking movie, is the meeting between Xavier of the 70s and Xavier Picard. First of all, it's James McAvoy and Patrick Stewart, which equals awesome, and the way it's done is definitely a mindfuck but it's such a brilliant one. The cool factor aside, it is the most emotionally gripping scene of the movie. Why? Well, how many times have we all wished that we could talk to our younger, dumber selves? To tell them how they're future would be if they continued the path they were on? To try to get their heads out of their asses before it's too late?
Or how about the flip side of that? How many times have we wished that our older selves would come and talk to us? To tell us how our future will be? Or to give us a wake up call and tell us to change our ways? That's definitely something that pretty much everyone watching the movie will relate to... And, I'll be honest, I was choking up a bit during the scene, I absolutely loved it!
Seriously, if you feel no emotion in that scene, then you have no blood in you... Heck, you're not even human! I don't even know what species you would be... But hey, you'll make a great serial killer one day, so there's that...
That brings me to the point of the casting and performances here. I'd say that all around, everyone totally nails their roles! James McAvoy does an even better job as Xavier than he did in First Class and his performance might be Oscar worthy if the Academy wasn't full of hipsters. Michael Fassbender kills it as Magneto, bringing a terrific diabolical charm to the role. It was also nice seeing Patrick Stewart and Ian Mckellan reprise their roles as Magneto and X in the present, they bring a commanding presence to the cast and it feels like they never left this franchise. This next part goes without mentioning, but Hugh Jackman totally nails Wolverine and once again makes it feel like he was born for the role. It was also awesome to see Peter Dinklage in the role of Trask, I'm just getting into Game of Thrones and he's slowly becoming one of my favourite actors.
Last but not least. Jennifer Lawrence nearly stole the whole damn show as Mystique. She plays a very conflicted and complex character, toeing the line between anti-hero and villain, and Lawrence played it flawlessly. Unfortunately for her, the Academy is out of touch with reality, so a 2nd Oscar for her probably won't happen this year. Still, amazing performances by everyone!
Another thing I have to point out is how greatly the movie deals with time travel. Yes, the initial premise of Kitty Pryde putting Wolverine's mind back in the past may be a little out there, but the time travel overall is done very simply and the movie doesn't make it fuck with your head. A lot of time travel movies make that mistake, even the great ones like Looper and Back to the Future. Not since Terminator 2 have I seen a movie that dealt with time travel so simply and beautifully. Props to the movie for not making my head explode with confusion.
As for the movie's flaws, there are a few here and there, but I won't point them out. This is a movie in which one of its main characters is a telekinetic mind reader, and another is a morphing smurfette, so I can let what little issues this film has slide.
All in all, X-Men: Days of Future Past seamlessly blends amazing action, terrific character development, and tons of gripping emotional depth. It also literally wipes The Last Stand from existence! I won't exactly spoil how that happens, but Singer gives a huge middle finger to Brett Ratner, and that was so satisfying to watch.
Is it the best X-men movie? Is it the best Marvel-based movie ever made? Will it go down as one of the best superhero movies of all time? I answer all those questions with a resounding "Fuck yeah!"
I give this movie a full 5 X's out of 5. Awesome movie! It might go down as one of my favourites.
Okay, I'm done stroking the movie's dick. Call me a moron in the comments below.
There’s this new term floating around cinema these days, it’s
called “Nolanizing”
Nolanizing: “To reinvent a classic franchise by making a
film adaptation that’s more appealing to either a modern or adult audience,
these adaptations tend to have a dark and mature tone. Term is inspired by director
Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy, a modern and grounded incarnation on
Batman.”
Some successful examples of Nolanizing include Nolan himself
with the Dark Knight trilogy; JJ Abrams with his re-imagining of Star Trek; and
Martin Campbell, Sam Mendes & Daniel Craig with the latest James Bond
films.
Unsuccessful attempts include Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel
(although that one was ok, but could’ve been way better), the Amazing
Spider-Man movies, and that joke of a Robocop remake… Fuck that movie!
Anyways, a promising director named Gareth Edwards is making
the latest attempt at Nolanizing by rebooting the classic Toho monster,
Godzilla. Was this a successful attempt? Or was it a massive, Phantom Menace-esque
letdown? Well, for me, after watching this movie, I would call it a terrific
success! Now let’s get on with this review…
Last year, when I first heard that there would be a new
Godzilla movie coming out, my reaction was something like this…
And who could blame me? The ’98 turdzilla left a bitter
taste in everyone’s mouth, including the real Godzilla himself (who would eventually
get revenge on that movie). Since then, many fans including myself have been
waiting patiently for an actual good Hollywood adaptation of this monster… and
we finally got it!
The movie begins with a few dramatic scenes and a slow pace,
and you don’t actually see Godzilla until an hour in at least. It instead
decides to take a page from the book of Jaws and focus on the characters. We
are introduced to the Brody family in 1999, living in Japan with Joe working at
a nuclear power plant with his wife Sandra. After what seemed like an
earthquake, the power plant gets completely destroyed, killing Sandra. 15 years
later, we begin with their son Ford, a soldier returning from over a year of
duty. After a short reunion with his family, he is forced to fly to Japan to
help with Joe, who was arrested near the now quarantined plant. After being
released and trying to convince Ford of some wild conspiracies, they decide to
go to the quarantined zone again. After they’re both arrested, they soon
discover that there is a creature living there… absorbing radiation like it’s a
source of food. This creature awakens and destroys the whole freaking area,
including Joe (RIP Heisenberg).
And that’s pretty much the build up before you see the first
Muto monster. Godzilla shows up about half an hour later when the Muto decides
to attack Hawaii, and it’s only for a few seconds… and the fight they have is montaged
on a TV screen. To me, this is a strong point of the movie, it does a very good
job of building tension and suspense, giving you more and more of the big G
every time he shows up, ultimately concluding in one of the greatest monster
fights in movie history.
That leads me to talk about this movie’s climax… my god! The
final 25-30 minutes of film has to be one of the greatest pieces of cinema I’ve
ever seen! The fight between Godzilla and the 2 Mutos is relentless. The final
blows to both Mutos are fucking sick! Big G kills off the flying Muto by using
his tail as a baseball bat and flinging that motherfucker face first into a
building. Then with the Crawling Muto… Fuck… I… Just… I’m fucking speechless
because no words I use can describe how fucking badass that was… He spreads
that bug’s mouth open with his bare hands and breathes atomic breath down his
god damn throat… and then rips his head off! Just… FUCK THAT WAS SO AWESOME!
EAT MY BLUE FIRE, BITCH!
I need a few minutes to calm down from such awesomeness!!!
Here… enjoy these roars…
Okay, I’ve had time to breathe and I’m good now… sooo…
What else did I like about this movie? Well for starters, Godzilla
is actually Godzilla! I know I wrote an article earlier about how making
changes to the source material can be okay, but it’s only okay if the changes
make sense… In the ’98 movie, it didn’t, simple as that. It was refreshing to
see the actual Toho monster in his true form. There are slight changes to the
original design (he’s way more massive, for example) but they fit well here.
The roar might be the greatest roar in film history, I’d put it right up there
with the T-Rex from Jurassic Park… seriously… that roar! Words can’t describe
how awe-inspiring it is. Godzilla is so fucking badass in this movie! Edwards
totally nailed it there!
I have to touch on the camera work here. It is absolutely
gorgeous! It was awesome to be able to actually watch Godzilla and the Mutos
throw down in the climax without any of that shaky-cam crap that Hollywood seems
to be in love with. The shot where Godzilla stands up over the horizon awaiting
a Muto beautifully shows how huge this lizard is. Another beautiful shot shows
the fins on his tail beginning to glow, followed slowly by the rest of the fins
on his back, and then followed by his oh so fucking badass atomic breath! That
is my favourite display of camera work in this whole movie, and that’s saying a
lot given how amazingly well shot this movie is.
The film is very well cast and the characters are solid.
Bryan Cranston does an amazing job with the very few scenes he’s given. Ken
Watanabe’s performance is good and he gives the movie an authoritative
presence. Aaron Taylor-Johnson does a fine job in the lead role, even if his
character is a little too stoic at times… Then again, he’s playing a soldier,
they have a tendency to be very low on the emotional scale. You’re definitely
rooting for him by the end of the movie though… So I guess he made an emotional
connection with the audience somehow.
Oh, and I also liked seeing San Francisco getting completely
obliterated by these monsters. That was unbelievably satisfying to me, being a
Packers fan and all…
Now, with all the praises I have, this movie does have some
major flaws. The problems lie mostly in the film’s tone. For example, I did
feel at times that the movie didn’t know whether it wanted to be a character
driven story, or a full-blown monster movie, or a disaster epic. The shifts in
tone are very frequent and can get pretty wearisome. I think that has most to
do with the story and writing than it did with the direction. I think it would’ve
been better if Frank Darabont wrote all of the human elements instead of just
collaborating. You can clearly see which parts were written by him, and that
can expose some inconsistencies with the characters. So yeah, the awkward tonal
changes are definitely something to be worked on for the sequel (which WILL
happen, who are we kidding?)
Another problem lies with the character development. While
these characters are solid and well acted, you don’t know that much about them.
We know that Ford is soldier who diffuses bombs, we know that his wife Elle is
a nurse, and we know that Dr. Seriwaza’s father died in Hiroshima… but that’s
about it. Once again, that’s something to improve on in the sequel (It’s
happening, get over it). The lack of development didn’t really bug me that much
though, as these characters are well acted, especially for the material they’re
given. I hope this cast returns in the next movie (You know it’s coming).
So yeah, Godzilla does have some big problems. But honestly,
with all of the awesomeness that’s packed into this movie, I can let the issues
slide here. Godzilla is a terrific movie, it’s filled with suspense, has some
great action, the visuals are breathtaking, and the climactic battle might go
down as one of the greatest movie battles of all time! To put it in NSFW terms…
the movie slowly masturbates for an hour and a half, building massive tension
within its nads, and then it spends almost thirty minutes blowing its load all over
the audience’s fucking face! Fuck yeah!
I’m going to give it 9 atomic breaths out of 10… Yes, I
changed my rating system, and it’s just to piss you people off… Don’t like it?
Blow me.
As per the usual, you can use the comment section to either
agree with me or tell me to get out of my parents’ basement… Whatever you want...
And here we are folks, Commando: the creme-de-la-creme of mindless action, the
poster-child for over-the-top movies. It's overflowing with clichés and silly
one-liners, yet has so many cool explosions and actions sequences, the acting
is so lame yet the action is so awesome. It's such a dumb movie yet you
can't help but fall in love with it.
But why is such a stupid movie so beloved by Arnold fans and action fans alike?
Well, because this is what we expect...
Outside of The Terminator movies, we've come to expect a very cheesy charm to
Schwarzenegger flicks. Well, Commando is the pinnacle of that. This is Arnold
cheese at its finest, and I love it to death! So let me tell you why I consider
this brain dead movie an action classic...
First of all: Remember when I said the movie is overflowing with clichés? Well,
The plot itself is a cliché. Repeat after me: MAN'S DAUGHTER IS KIDNAPPED BY
PEOPLE FROM HIS PAST, AND NOW HE USES SKILLS HE DEVELOPED IN HIS LIFE TO SAVE
HER! Sheesh, how many times have we seen that one? Let's just say that story
has been Taken many times... But yeah, Retired Colonel John Matrix
(Schwarzenegger), who lives a quiet life with his daughter Jenny (Alyssa
Milano), ends up being thrust into action when Jenny is kidnapped by Arius (Dan
Hedaya) and one of Matrix's former brother in arms, Bennett (Vernon Wells).
What ensues is some of the coolest action and one liners ever! Here we go!
The action scenes in this movie are awesome! One of my favourites is the mall
sequence. John Matrix rips a phone booth out of the wall and
tosses it like a barrel, he kicks the crap out of everyone that comes near him,
and then uses a balloon vine to swing across the mall onto an elevator... So in
one scene, he managed to pull a Donkey Kong, a Bruce Lee, and a Tarzan...
Nice!
The Val Verde sequence has to be one of the most over-the-top and awesome
action sequences of all time. Matrix packs himself with knives, guns, grenades,
and does his best Rambo impersonation by taking down what looks like an entire
army singlehandedly. He shoots them, stabs them, chops them up with axes, and
blows them to smithereens. The best part is that he comes out of it virtually
unscathed... Why? Because he's Arnold, and he's awesome!
The ending is cool too. Matrix manipulates Bennett into a knife fight, and then
they get into a contest to see who can make the stupidest face... Err... I mean
fight each other to the death. Matrix eventually beats Bennett with a pipe and
one liner, and flies off into the sunset with Tommy Chong Jr. and Generic Army
Daughter. Arnold saves the day and lives happily ever after! Roll credits.
I also love the movie's writing... The one liners in Commando are down right
classic:
- Generic White Dude: "I was afraid you guys would miss me..."
Cook: "Don't worry, we won't..." *shoots him*
- Cook: "You know what I like best? The Price." And then drives out of the
dealership.
- Matrix: "I'll be back, Bennett."
- Matrix: "You're a funny guy, Sully. I like you... That's why I'm going to kill
you last."
- Matrix: *Breaks dude's neck* "Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired."
- Cindy: "What did you do with Sully?"
Matrix: "I let him go."
- Cook: "This Green Beret is going to kick your big ass!"
Matrix: "I eat Green Berets for Breakfast, and right now I'm very hungry!"
- Cook: "Fuck you, asshole!" *pulls trigger and realizes he's out of
bullets*
Matrix: "Fuck you, asshole!"
- Matrix: "Let off some steam, Bennett."
- Kirby: "Leave anything for us?"
Matrix: "Just bodies."
Seriously, this has to be one of the most quotable movies ever made! Steven de
Souza definitely earned his paycheck here! But my favourite quote/moment of this whole movie has to be this...
God that's so fucking badass!
Now, as awesome as this movie can be, it's not without its massive problems...
For starters, the acting in general is questionable to say the least. Arnold
seems more robotic here than he did in any of the Terminator movies, Tommy
Chong Jr is straight up phoning it in, and Vernon Wells (not the ball player)
is overdoing every line he's given. He has to be one of the most over-acted
villains ever... And that says a lot!
The performances aren't all bad though. Dan Hedaya does an ok job as main
villain Arius. T-Bird does a pretty good job playing Sully in this movie,
considering the material he's given anyway... And Alyssa Milano actually puts
on a good performance for a child actor, she manages not to be irritating as hell,
as most kids are in movies. That being said though, the acting in Commando
isn't the worst I've seen, however, it could've been much better.
This movie has some really cheesy moments too: the father-daughter montage,
Arnold chopping wood, and the gratuitous speedo scene to name a few, not to
mention when Arnie suits up into soldier gear and makes this movie poster-worthy pose. These scenes don't really bug me that much tough... They actually
match the cheesy tone of the film.
My biggest problem here is that Matrix is practically
unkillable. He tumbles down a hill in a brakeless truck, crashes it, and
somehow survives. He survives in a police truck after it gets hit with a rocket
launcher and crashes… And then, as I’ve already mentioned, he takes on an entire
army and comes out of it virtually untouched! Killing every soldier he sees in
the process! My god, it’s as if he entered an invincibility code before the
movie started…
In fact, that’s actually what I think this movie is: A
shoot ‘em up video game with an active invincibility cheat! That actually makes
perfect sense! The only thing missing is an RC-P90 and proximity mines…
All jokes aside… I love this movie, even though it’s so
god damn stupid… I’ll say that this movie is a like a dumb friend: Yes, you
know he’s an idiot, but at the end of the day, you just can’t help but love
him!
Commando is an action-packed, over the top, one-liner
filled macho cheesefest. It will go down as an 80’s action classic.
I give this movie a full 4 stars out of 5
Yes, I gave this movie a higher rating than 2001: A Space
Odyssey. Why, you ask? Because Commando accomplishes what it set out to do.
It’s a movie that knows what it is and has fun with it. Whereas 2001, in my
opinion, tried to be this big epic space movie, but ended up being pretentious
and boring… That’s my thoughts anyways.
As usual, feel free to use the comments to either agree
with me or tell me you’re fucking my mom… Whatever floats your boat.
Okay, so I've had this on my mind for quite a long time,
I was just waiting until this topic became relevant. Since there are 3 major
Hollywood adaptations coming out this month (The Amazing Spider Man 2,
Godzilla, and X Men: Days of Future Past, respectively) I feel this is the right
time to talk about this.
Every time a comic book movie (or just any movie
adaptation in general, be it from a TV show, historical event, novel, short
story, etc) hits the big screen, one thing is for sure to happen: You will always
get purists ripping the movie apart for liberties taken with the source
material, characters names pronounced incorrectly, and just any inaccuracies
the movie will have. We've all heard the complaints... "Oh they left out
this part of the book, this movie sucks!" Or "They pronounced Joey
jojo jr Shabadoo's name wrong, fucking bastards!" Or "Wah wah they
totally ruined the Mandarin, I hate this movie!"
Whenever I see stuff like this, I wonder why these people can't just calm the
fuck down and enjoy what they are watching. So I say this: Just shut up and
watch the fucking movie!
My point is, movies like Captain America, Iron Man, The Dark Knight trilogy,
TMNT etc are ADAPTATIONS! That means they are BASED off of a true story, BASED
off a comic book, BASED off a TV show. That doesn't mean they're going to be
the exact same thing! If you want to see X-Men: Days of Future Past stay 100%
true to the comic itself, then don't watch the movie, instead just read the
comic book you love so much and quit your bitching.
I know of some comic book nerds who despise The Dark Knight trilogy for this
very thing. "Oh, it's Raysh al gool! Not raws al gool! How dare
they!" Or "The joker didn't fall into a vat of acid or give anyone
laughing gas, BLASPHEMY!" Or my personal favourite "Oh wah wah wah
Bane wasn't Mexican or had any venom pumping into him goo goo gah gah!"
Listen, you virgins, the whole point of those three movies was to make The
Batman story grittier and more realistic. And in the real world, if you fall
into a vat of acid, you'll die. If you have venom pumping into you, you'll die.
And if your name is pronounced "Raysh" instead of "Raws",
people will likely mistake you for an STD. Nolan and company made the changes
to make the existence of a Batman, or a Joker, or a Bane on our planet
possible. In my opinion, all three movies totally nailed it and the trilogy
succeeded in what it set out to do. But of course, it wasn't like the comics,
so it sucked, right? Fuck off.
Another thing I want to touch on is the JJ Abrams Star Trek movies. As far as
I'm concerned, both Star Trek and Star Trek Into Darkness are amazing movies.
They work great as stand-alone films and, dare I say it, they're just as true
to Star Trek lore (no pun intended) as everything else in the Trek-o-verse. But
of course, Trekkies (or Trekkers? Who gives a fuck what they’re called?
Seriously!) all over the world crapped on them for being “fast-paced space
operas for the ADD generation” and “making Khan a white guy”... Wow. Now
believe me, I want to destroy every argument that Trekkies have made against
these movies, but I'll get to those assholes another time.
Now guys, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should like every movie
regardless of artistic liberties taken, because sometimes movie adaptations
will completely miss the mark. But in my opinion, it's not because they
"bastardized the source material", it's because the movies themselves
were just terrible. The reason why Batman & Robin sucked was not because of
Arnold Schwarzenegger being miscast as Mr Freeze or Batgirl being Alfred’s
niece instead of Gordon's daughter, the movie sucked because it was horribly
acted, horribly paced, horribly directed, and had a script that was littered
with dumb, unfunny puns. Iron Man 3 got crapped on because they took liberties
with the Mandarin character, but that's not what bugged me about it. What
bugged me was that the movie was building up this villain so much (being
wonderfully played by Ben Kingsley, no less) only to have him be a drunken pawn
when our main hero finally meets him. That to me is not shitting on comics,
it's the movie doing something it just shouldn't do. The reason why The Last
Airbender sucked was... Well... I'm not going there... Fuck you Shyamalan! Fuck
you!
My point is that you should judge a movie by what it is: A movie. Comparing it
to a comic book or a TV show will only cloud your judgment of the film and
prevent you from enjoying it as much as you could have.
That being said, I'm going to be seeing Days of Future Past in about 3 weeks, and Godzilla the week before that.
I'm sure I'm going to love the living shit out of those movies, but I'm also sure
I'm going to see comments on the Internet about how Quicksilver should only be
in one cinematic universe or how Godzilla's fins don't glow when he breathes fire or some shit... Ugh...
Seriously, if anyone like that is reading this... SLEEP WITH SOMEONE! For your
own good!
I'm out
- Mad Mike of Metal
P.S. If you loved my last movie review, then stay tuned next week as I will be reviewing an Arnold Schwarzenegger classic!
