Mad Reviews: Suicide Squad

Let me start off with this: I'm a huge fan of DC, mostly Batman. His baddies are among the greatest villains in comic-book lore. So seeing these villains team up in a movie had gotten my fanboy-self quite excited. That being said, keep this in mind when I review a movie: I put my fanboyism aside, and I judge the movie as a movie itself. While I can still enjoy a movie like this as a piece of fan-service, this needs to be a good movie first. If a well-shot, well-written, well-acted, and well-directed film can still bring out the comic-book loving manchild in me, then that's icing on the cake. Got it? Good.

With that said, what did I think of Suicide Squad? Well, the fanboy in me enjoyed it, but the film buff in me thought this was just like its female lead: a hot mess.

I remember feeling so underwhelmed when I saw this. My friends had seen this before me and had told me just how good it was and how much fun they had while watching it, and how I should ignore the negative reviews (26% on RT as of writing this) and just go and enjoy it. The problem is most of my friends are comic-book fans first, and moviegoers second, so I knew right away my opinion would differ from theirs. But I didn't think it would differ this badly! How does seeing your favourite DC baddies on screen make up for being such a poorly written, awfully edited, poorly paced, cliché-riddled load of bullshit? I hate to be that guy, but I think all the bad reviews were on to something. I wanted to see a film, not to have my fanboy boner jerked off!

Calm down, internet. I know I'm ranting here, but I didn't think this was completely bad. There are some positives to take from Suicide Squad, not a lot, but some good stuff is in this. So, before I dive into all the garbage this movie gave me, let me talk about the things I liked about it:

1) It's better than Batman v Superman

I'll get to that piece of shit another time, but yes, Suicide Squad is an improvement on that pile of garbage movie that came out in March. In this one, there's no cartoonish Jesse Eisenberg, and none of the characters' moms share a first name! So it's better, it's not saying much, but it's better.

2) Margot Robbie was perfect as Harley Quinn

I've been saying she's the perfect Harley since the moment she was cast, and she didn't disappoint. Whenever she was on screen, I did not see a performance of Harley Quinn, I saw Harley Quinn herself, and that's something that my 12 year-old self was pleased to watch. Seeing her in her underwear was good too... Oh wait, was that sexist? Eh who gives a shit.

3) It was nice to see Will Smith be Will Smith again

Will Smith used to be one of the most entertaining actors in Hollywood, until he got critical acclaim for playing Muhammad Ali. Since then, he's spent most of his time trying to shit out an Oscar. Don't get me wrong, I like that he's been challenging himself dramatically, but I've long yearned for the days when he was fun, charismatic and likeable. In Suicide Squad, Will Smith was (mostly) back to his old self again, he was having fun as Deadshot, and I was having fun watching him.

4) Jai Courtney

I'm only saying this because I think it's a miracle that Jai Courtney wasn't the shittiest thing about this movie. Yes, I can't believe I'm saying this, but there were aspects of Suicide Squad that were worse than Jai Courtney! Way to go, Jai! You're moving on up now!

That's it! Those were the only positives I took from this "film." Well... Maybe that part where El Diablo burnt 2 whole floors to a crisp too. But other than that, it's all downhill from here. Be very afraid.

Here's the first thing I noticed while watching this movie:

This is so frustrating to me. This movie has such a unique premise that we've never seen in Superhero movies before, but it has little to no originality in it whatsoever. This movie is about a group of bad guys who team up to stop even worse guys. These villains are brought together by government officials who forced them to do so, and getting devices planted in them that will kill them if they don't follow orders...

Wow, real fucking original there! Is Snake Plissken going to be joining this team? If he doesn't I'll be super pissed at this point!

Seriously, this movie has been gift wrapped for you to be made into something new and amazing, and you start off by using the most overused cliché in the fucking book? I'm shaking my head as I'm writing this.

What's next? Is one of these characters going to go rogue, and get killed to be made an example of?

*Watches Slipknot get killed*

OH COME ON!

Does this movie's story have to be so fucking predictable? Next thing you know, one these baddies on this team is going to turn out to be the real villain of the film that the Squad will fight against and...

*Enchantress breaks from the team and becomes the main villain*

Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me!

Can you guys at least give me something that hasn't been done to death?

With all of this overused bullshit, you might as well just end this movie with the villain shooting a beam into the sky and...

*Watches the climax*

OH MY GOD I WAS JUST JOKING, I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO ACTUALLY DO THAT YOU FUCKING MORONS!

Seriously, does every movie ever made have to have a giant fucking beam shot in the sky? I mean it's cool imagery, but Ghostbusters did this over 30 fucking years ago! The Avengers did this too and the cliché was already getting tired then! That moves me on to my next problem with this: It tried to be way too much like Marvel.

From the light-hearted tone, to the retro music soundtrack, to the group of rogues teaming up, down to the lame-ass forgettable villain. This movie is the DCCU's own lobotomized answer to Guardians of the Galaxy. The only difference is this schlock has an incoherent story, by-the-numbers character development, and no real interesting visuals or action sequences. What a fucking load.

Do you understand why this is so infuriating? This is a Superhero film in which the villains are the main focus. This is a completely unique premise for DC. You have the chance to create something new, fresh, exciting and masterful, and what do you do? You fall back on every piece of cliché storytelling you can find, and at the same time you pull off a half-assed attempt at ripping off your own fucking competitors! This had the chance to be something incredible, it really did, and it has become one of the most lazily-written blockbusters of the past 10 years! Fuck. You!

It doesn't help that this "film" is poorly edited too.

I don't know if this is David Ayer's doing or the studio's meddling, but the editing and story is all over the map. While I was watching this, it felt like there were entire scenes missing! We get full on introductions for Deadshot, Harley, Croc, Captain Boomerang and the like, but that O-Ren Ishii character just shows up in the plane out of nowhere. I was like "who the fuck is she?"

The same thing happens with Slipknot, who just shows up as they get together and dies 3 minutes later. What the fuck was the point of that? Were all the other cast members not expendable? Why the fuck would you bring in a new character out of nowhere, just to red-shirt him right away? It would've been better if, you know, we knew who the hell he was!

Onto the next problem I have with this movie: The character development is either non-existent or by-the-numbers. We get a glimpse of some of their backstories via Amanda Waller (a slightly less annoying Fish Mooney) reading their criminal files. This has to be one of the lamest ways to introduce characters ever. It's as if Joe Rogan was doing a tale of the tape and announcing all of the attributes to each member of the Squad. Yawn!

Way to go, DC. You go from introducing the Justice League via a fucking email, and now you introduce us to Suicide Squad via criminal background checks. Way to fucking go, you fucking uninspired hacks! What's next? Are you going to tease us on how much the Joker is involved and only give him minimal screen time?

*Joker has approximately 10 minutes of screen time*

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!

Well, to be fair, I'm actually glad he got such minimal screen time because Jared Leto's performance was absolutely awful! I never saw The Joker in this movie, I never saw a character being brought to life. All I saw was Jared Leto being Jared Leto. As a film buff, this pissed me off because Leto is actually a talented actor. As a Joker fanboy, this caused me to have nightmares where the Joker sings 30 Seconds to Mars songs! Gah! Cesar fucking Romero from the god damn fucking Adam West show was a better Joker than Leto! Fuck! What the fuck was with the Grillz in his mouth? Am I supposed to be scared by that? All I see when this "Joker" is on screen is Leto being like "Look at me! Look how awesome I am! Notice my acting! Notice my acting!" Fuck man he was terrible!

Well, at least there were no 30 Seconds to Mars songs being played on this wannabe-Dazed-and-Confused soundtrack.

That's another thing: What the hell was with all the songs being played in this movie? Within a 30-minute span, we get like 15 different songs being played. Songs like Paranoid by Black Sabbath, Without Me by Eminem, House of the Rising Sun by the Animals, and Fortunate Son by CCR appear in the movie and they're completely out of place! Don't get me wrong, I love all of these songs, but they should at least be used to compliment what we see on screen. Instead, it just sounds like I'm watching this movie while someone keeps kicking the jukebox at Hot Topic. Where the hell is Hans Zimmer when you need him? Oh, he was working on that new Nolan film... Gotcha.

I guess that brings me to my last problem with Suicide Squad: The best part of sitting through this whole thing was seeing the 1-minute teaser for Christopher Nolan's Dunkirk. That's brutal! When the most memorable part of the movie is the fucking trailer for a completely different movie, that's a problem!

Final thoughts: While this movie did have some enjoyable elements, the overall final product was a total clusterfuck. In due time, I might come around and possibly enjoy this movie as guilty pleasure fun. But that's the problem: I wanted a good film, not a guilty pleasure movie that I would lump in with Batman & Robin and Wild Wild West. In my opinion, DC now has 2 live-action bombs in one year, and even their animated version of The Killing Joke (while still pretty good) was a huge disappointment. I really liked Man of Steel, it had some problems but I thought it was a great way to kick off the DCCU. Unfortunately, BvS and now Suicide Squad have sunk this universe into a really big hole. A big hole that I don't think the Wonder Woman movie, nor even Ben Affleck's Batman movie can dig the DCCU out of.

I know a lot of people really like this movie, and I can definitely see why they do. But for me, this was not a good film. The pacing is off, some of the acting is bad (except for Margot Robbie and Will Smith), the story is cliché and predictable, the characters have no depth, the writing is poor and unmemorable, and the visuals are not interesting at all.

I know people who liked this film are going to say "What? Were your expecting something like The Dark Knight?" Well... Yes I was! This (and BvS) had potential to be just as amazing if not better than Nolan's Trilogy. This material was practically gift-wrapped for David Ayer to transform into something incredible, and instead we get this. All I can say is wasted potential. Absolutely wasted!

I know I'm going to get outright attacked by fans of this film. Because they've been attacking critics even before this movie came out.  Even some of my friends on Facebook commented "critics are full of shit, this was a good movie." One fan even went as far as to start a petition to shut down Rotten Tomatoes for giving this and BvS a low score! Are you fucking kidding me?

Apparently, critics have a bias and are being paid to give low ratings to DC movies... Hmm... Let's see here...

Yes, of course they hate DC... Oh wait!

Fans like that just make me fucking sick! They actually started a petition to shut down this website, and they had over 10000 votes before it got shut down. Seriously?

Listen up, fans: Critics are not always going to see movies the way you do, just like how you won't see movies the way critics do. Do you really have to go out of your way to try and ruin their livelihood just because they didn't like two fucking movies you did? Fuck right off! There's plenty of critically acclaimed movies I don't like (American Hustle and Birdman off the top of my head), and there's plenty of critically panned movies that I actually like (ex: Showgirls and Basic Instinct), but I never try to ruin these peoples' lives just because I disagree with them, I don't trash these people online just because they like a movie I don't like. Roger Ebert gave two thumbs down to both Die Hard and Kick-Ass, two of my all time favourites, but I never sent him death threats or tried to get him fired just because he gave bad reviews to movies I love. Granted, I troll my friends all the fucking time for stuff like this, but that's because they're my friends and that's how I am with them! What DC fans did with this petition is downright fucking petty and absolutely disgusting! Can you people really not stand the fact that some people (who you don't even fucking know, no less) have a different opinion than you? Guess what? We all have different opinions! If you don't like the movie, that's cool! If you do like the movie, that's cool too! You can all like and dislike whatever the hell you want. But for the love of fucking God, GROW THE FUCK UP AND BE FUCKING ADULTS!

I’m actually raging as I’m typing this. I know I’m going on about this a lot more than I should be, but my god was that petition ever childish! I can only hope that I’m not the only one who sees it this way. Shit like this is why I'm dreading the release of the next DC movie. On one hand, I’m afraid to like the next DC movie because I will then share a trait with people like this. On the other hand, I’m afraid to dislike it because it will lead to a fucking shitstorm of self-righteous assholes who tell me how awful of a person I am. It’s ridiculous.

Just note: I'm not lashing out at all DC fans, I know some fans of this movie who were respectful of my opinion and the low RT score. I'm just lashing out at the ones who created the petition and can't say they like the movie without saying "Fuck the critics." No, don't fuck the critics, fuck you.

One more thing before I give my rating: I just know that they’re going to release an extended edition when it comes out on Blu-Ray, and I’m not going to be buying it. It seems that Warner Bros wants to make huge profits at not only the box office, but on home video sales as well. How do they do that? Well, in my opinion, they meddle with the final product to the point where it becomes non-cohesive, then they allow the real version to be released on Blu-Ray. People who liked the theatrical cut will buy this and think it’s even better, and people who didn’t like the theatrical cut will be prompted to buy the extended cut. It won’t matter if they change their minds on the movie or not, because Warner Bros still got their money! It’s a brilliant marketing ploy, I'll give them that, but I want no part of it.

Anyways, since there are some good parts about this movie, it’s enough for me not to give it an outright awful rating. This letdown gets 4.2 out of 10 from me. It’s not a total piece of crap, but it’s still pretty damn bad.

If you disagree with that rating, feel free to post below. I’d tell you to be civil about it, but that would be asking too much.

I’m out…

- Mad Mike of Metal

Mad Reviews - Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker

"You know, kids, a lot has changed since your old Uncle Joker's been away. New Gotham, new rules, even a new Batman. But now I'm tanned, I'm rested and I'm ready to give this old town a wedgie again!"

Well, as promised, this is my first review on an animated feature, as well as my first review on a Batman movie. When I was thinking of which cartoon film I should review first, I had plenty of options, as there are tons of animated classics that I can give my opinion on. But instead, I decided to go for one of the most underrated movies I've ever seen... So here we go.

Back in the late 90's, everything and everyone was obsessed about the future:What would it look like? How would we live? What will mankind be capable of? Will we ever have hoverboards and flying cars? The thoughts and possibilities were endless! Of course, Warner Bros and the creators of Batman: The Animated Series got caught up in this "future craze" as well... And was resulted was one of the greatest animated TV shows of all time: Batman Beyond.

Set in 2039, the show introduced us to Terry McGinnis, who becomes the new Batman after bumping into Bruce Wayne, (and after Terry's father is killed). We learn that Gotham is just as fucked as it was in the past and that Batman must return. Unfortunately, Bruce Wayne is too old to do it himself, so he decides to take on the role of a mentor to young Terry, and help clean up the streets of Gotham once again.

The show wasn't as praised or as popular as TAS, however it maintained a strong cult following at the time, strong enough to get its own movie. Since many TAS purists were disappointed that pretty much all of their favourite villains were nowhere to be found (with the exception of Freeze's head), Paul Dini and company decided to bring back the greatest Batman foe of them all. With that, we end up getting Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker. Citing the return of the iconic Clown Prince of Crime,  this was a movie that attempted to bridge the gap between TAS and Batman Beyond...

And what was the result? A fucking awesome movie! That's what!!!

The movie opens with the Jokerz gang stealing a plot device, when Batman comes in to stop the theft. He is then taken on a big flight cruise around Gotham, fighting on aircrafts with Bonk and DeeDee. Eventually (after Bonk swings around on a flagpole) Batman thwarts the Jokerz plan. We then find out that Bruce Wayne has taken back control of Wayne Enterprises, which doesn't sit too well with company hotshot Jordan Pryce... And then,  while the Jokerz gang are in a meeting, we finally see the man we've all been waiting for: The Joker. He looks around the same age and he is alive and well. He's also ready to wreak havoc on the people of Gotham, just like the old days.

So what exactly did I love about this movie? For starters, I loved that the Joker came back. The Joker is the most popular and beloved villain in the Batman universe, and possibly in all of comic books, so we all knew the Joker would have to make an appearance at some point in Batman Beyond. It made sense not only from a marketing standpoint, but from a story standpoint as well: His return offered up a fish-out-of-water type of story arc in regards to Terry McGinnis's character, which I thought was genius. Not only has he never faced the Joker, he's never even heard of the Joker (how is that even possible?), which means he has no idea who or what he's dealing with, or what he's up against. So Terry is challenged in ways that he's never been challenged before, and all Bruce Wayne can do is reluctantly watch. 

The Joker character seems to be a lot more sinister this time around (you can thank a PG-13 rating for that). He loves to make things more personal: he makes his grand return at Bruce Wayne's function; he gets the Jokerz gang to attack Terry and his girlfriend Dana at a dance club, hospitalizing Dana in the process; he attacks Bruce's dog Ace, and then attacks Bruce Wayne himself with laughing gas... in his own batcave no less! Not to mention that he gains control of a military satellite which he will eventually use to wipe Gotham off the map. He even sounds meaner and darker here than he did in TAS. Kudos to Mark Hamill for once again doing amazing voice acting job for this character!

The voice acting in this movie is phenomenal, as well as the animation. The looks of despair on Bruce Wayne's face after being made aware of Joker's return is amazingly done, as well as the deep, darkly voice that we've come to expect from Kevin Conroy. We brilliantly see a mixture of the very grim looking Gotham City with the look of a very slick and polished futuristic version of the city. Will Freidle once again impresses with his performance as the young wisecracking Terry McGinnis Batman. Mark Hamill does a good job of playing the film's other antagonist, Jordan Pryce.

That brings me to my next point, I loved how the movie did everything to make you believe that Jordan Pryce was the Joker, down to having the exact same actor pay him! But then, you're floored when you find out that Pryce is just another pawn in the Joker's game. You're even more mindfucked when the movie reveals to you that it's actually an old Tim Drake as the Joker, you're like "how the fuck did Joker manage that?" Now, the way they did it was pretty lame in my opinion, but I'll get to that later.

What were my favourite moments? Well, it's tie between the flashback sequence, and the film's climactic battle between Batman and Joker. Barbara Gordon (now commissioner) decides to explain what happened on the last night of Joker's life. Well, turns out he kidnapped Tim Drake, brainwashed him, and tried to force him to kill Batman, all while Batgirl is fighting with Harley Quinn, who ends up falling down a crevasse to her doom. I love it when Joker calls Batman by his true name, and then taunts him with his "It would be funny if it weren't so pathetic speech." I loved it because you really see how Joker always manages to bring out the absolute worst in Batman, just so he can make Batman sink to his level. After incapacitating the Bat, Mistah J decides to give Tim his gun to shoot B-man with. Unfortunately, he misses and ends up shooting and killing the Joker. My favourite part is when you hear Harley singing "Hush little baby", the way she sings it is so creepy and sinister that I actually felt a little uneasy listening to it. I was thinking "oh fuck, what did they do to Tim?"

I loved the battle between Batman and Joker at the end because... well... I won't give away too much, but Terry's Batman essentially beats the Joker at his own game. It was amazingly entertaining to watch!

Now, what did I not like about this movie? Well... two things. One was how the Joker was written into it: When he kidnapped Tim Drake, he managed to upload his consciousness into a little chip, and placed it on the back of Tim's neck. Here's my problem with that: Even if you're willing to roll with the whole "uploading his mind into Tim's" technobabble (which I did), am I really supposed to believe that Tim never felt that on his neck for nearly 40 years? Just seemed too convenient for me, and it took me out of the movie for a bit.

The other thing I didn't like was that the title of the movie was a spoiler. To me, it should've been named simply Batman Beyond: The Movie or something like that. Could you imagine the fanboy boners being popped when they hear Mark Hamill's voice and the Joker appearing out of the shadows? Not knowing he was going to be in it? It would've been better not to reveal the Joker in the title for the sake of DVD sales. Word of mouth would've gotten around pretty quickly and sales might've been equivalent to what Warner Bros got. Heck, sales might've even been better! This was just a minor nitpick though., to be honest..

In conclusion, while this movie does have one massive plot hole, it's still one of my favourite Batman movies and one of my favourite animated movies of all time! If I did a top 10 list of my favourite animated features, as well as favourite Batman movies, Return of the Joker would definitely make an appearance on both of those lists. It's no Mask of the Phantasm, but it's still an amazing movie that pays homage to TAS as well as introducing Batman Beyond to new fans.

I'm giving this movie 94 Joker Teeth out of 100. Or, if you whiney babies want a more simple rating, I give it 4.7 stars out of 5.

As usual, use the comments section to tell me how badly you want me to die...

- Mad Mike of Metal