Mad Reviews: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

I'm just putting this out there right now: 2014 is going to go down as one of the greatest years in movies ever!

Seriously, The Lego Movie, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, God Fucking Zilla, X Men Days of Future Past, How to Train your Dragon 2, 22 Jump Street... All awesome movies! And we haven't even gotten to Guardians of the Galaxy or Interstellar yet! I must say though, that as of right now, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is the best movie I've seen this year! Heck, it might even be the best I've in quite a few years! It's that good!

The movie begins with telling us how the ALZ 113 Virus, now dubbed "The Simian Flu" pretty much wiped out the human race. We then get an extreme close up on Caesar that would make Sergio Leone blush, as you see him all covered in war paint with his ape tribe ready to hunt down a pack of deer. Eventually, they manage to hunt down one of the deer, but Caesar's son gets a little too anxious and decides to move in on the dead dear... And he gets blindsided by a grizzly bear! Eventually, Caesar and Koba (Simian Scarface) manage to fight off the bear with Koba ramming a spear into the bear's fucking head (Like A Boss)! We then see Caesar return to his home where his ape wife is giving birth to his second child...

Caesar: Family man by day, Badass ape tribe leader by night.

 

This shot is more awesome than a barrel full of monkeys

 

 

Anyways, we then learn through exposition that it's been nearly 10 years since the tribe came into contact with humans. Caesar and Maurice assume that they're pretty much gone... Or are they??? Dun dun duuuunnnnn!!!!

We then cut to a few apes chilling in the forest, where they run into one of the vilest creatures on earth: That dude from Fringe! Anyways, that Fringe guy shoots one of the apes and the rest of his human group comes to his aid. Next thing we know, the entire tribe surrounds the group of humans, and Caesar tells them to "GO!" and they get the fuck out of there.

As the human group returns to San Fran, we learn that part of the Apes territory contains a dam that could give the human group unlimited hydro, and they need to get it activated... By any means necessary... And now we have our movie!

So, you probably know how this movie is going to play out after reading the synopsis, don't you? Well, whatever you're thinking, you're wrong! This movie has plot twists and turns throughout, throwing away any type of clichéd storytelling that you might expect from a blockbuster of this magnitude.

With that said, obviously the strongest thing about this movie is the story, it constantly keeps you guessing and keeps you on the edge of your seat. It'll rip your heart out and put it back in, just so it can have the sadistic pleasure of ripping it out again. I felt as if the Breaking Bad writers took over the storyline of this movie and were taking me to school on how to write an amazing film! So yeah, you get it, the story is absolutely powerful! But what about the characters? Well, they are what drive this amazing story! The characters (especially the ape characters) are awesome!

Caesar has grown since the first film and has become a wise and powerful leader of his ape tribe. He has to deal with his family, as well as keeping his group of apes together as tensions mount with these newly encountered humans. His arc during the movie goes from leader, to peacekeeper, to simian John Connor.  Caesar is mo-capped beautifully by the legendary Andy Serkis, as he makes one of the most complex and powerful characters of the last 10 years come to life. Is Serkis’s performance Oscar worthy? Well fuck yeah, but unfortunately for him, the Academy won’t give it a second look as Dawn of the POTA isn’t a low budget drama. So yeah

 

"ALL HAIL ME!"

 

 

On the human side of things, we have Malcolm, the leader of the small pack of humans that’s trying to reactivate the dam and keep peace with Caesar and the Apes. Over the course of the movie, he forms a strong bond with Caesar, with the pinnacle being when Caesar watches an old home video of himself and Dr. Franco teaching him sign. When Malcolm asks Caesar who that person was, Caesar replies with “A good man, like you”, which to me was one of the most heart-wrenching moments of the film. At the end of the day, Malcolm is Caesar’s human counterpart: He only wants peace, and he wants his race to survive. Jason Clarke did a wonderful job with this character, playing one of the many complex roles in this movie with ease.

We also have human leader Dreyfus, played by acting chameleon Gary Oldman. Going into this movie, I thought his character would be the douchebag of the show, much like the bad guy from Avatar. But he was much more complex than that! Sure, his motivations might be a little heartless, but after you get to know this guy and what he’s been through, you start to sympathize with him. There’s one very emotional moment he has in the movie, where you find out just how much this man has lost, all because of the simian flu. You grow to understand his character, and why he does what he does near the end of the film. He’s an antagonist for sure, but one that the audience might be able to relate to at some point or another.

Back to Ape characters… and now I’m going to talk about the unquestionable badass of the whole film: Koba! The monkey who spent years getting tortured by humans (as evidenced in Rise of the Planet of the Apes), is now Caesar’s right hand ape in this movie. At the very beginning, he’s a very helpful, caring dude, saving Caesar’s ass from a bear and shit… That is, until the tribe makes contact with humans, and his traumatic memories make him snap back into asshole mode. He doesn’t trust humans one bit, he spies on them, gets in Caesar’s face about them, attacks them at one point, and he even tries to start a revolution against them. He’s the film’s main villain, but in all honestly, he’s just another shade of grey like Dreyfus. There’s a scene in the movie where you really get to understand his psyche and his motivations: When the small human group is working on the dam, Koba tells Caesar how he doesn’t trust those human pricks, and he wants to fight them. Caesar tells Koba to let the humans finish their work…  Koba responds by pointing at his scars and saying “Human work! Human work! HUMAN! WORK!” At that point, you really can’t blame him for being the way he is, as humans not only tortured his body, but tortured his mind as well in the process. Koba is mo-capped by Toby Kebbell, and like Serkis, he does an absolutely brilliant job of bringing his character to life.

 

"I'm an ape with a gun, you're fucked."

What I love most about these characters is that there’s no clear cut good guy or bad guy, the characters in this movie are all grey. I applaud the movie for not giving us some clichéd cardboard characters and instead giving them some depth, and allowing us to connect with them, regardless if they’re live action characters or CGI characters.

I guess that’s a segue into the special effects, right? Well, I’ll put it this way: During the entire 2 hours and 10 minutes of watching this movie, I had no idea there were any special effects on screen! That’s how good it was! Everything looked real, especially the apes. There’s a few times where you see an extreme close up of Caesar and he looks like a real ape, not a product of CGI! A good special effect is a special effect that you can’t notice. So props to the effects team for making everything look so real!

All in all, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes had great action, amazing characters, brilliant effects, an emotional roller coaster of a story, a badass climax, and it leaves you wanting more when the film is over, Matt Reeves did a fantastic job as director and I hope he makes the next one! I usually don’t look forward to third installments of a franchise, but I’m looking forward to the next Planet of the Apes movie, because as amazing as Dawn is, it felt like it was building up to something even bigger and better!

The third film will have its work cut out for it, as well as the rest of the movies coming out this year. I don’t know if this film will go down as the best of 2014 in my eyes just yet, but Guardians of the Galaxy and Interstellar are REALLY going to have to blow me away if I’m going to consider it better than this! Fuck, I guess I should’ve waited to see this movie before I did my top 10 sequels list, right?

This movie is 5 apes on horses out of 5. It’s a chimptastic masterpiece and like many movies I’ve seen this year, it might go down as one of my all time favourites!

As usual, the comments section is there for you to call this film overrated.

- Mad Mike of Metal

Mad Lists: Top 10 Sequels

Welcome to another edition of Mad Lists! Since we’ve had approximately 26378 sequels come out in the last few months, with the 26379^th sequel Dawn of the Planet of the Apes coming to theatres this Friday, I figured it would be a good time to make a list of my favourite sequels!

In order for a movie to qualify for this list, it has to be the second installment of a franchise. A sequel to a reboot can count (ex: The Amazing Spider Man 2) and a sequel to a prequel can make the list as well (ex: Attack of the Clones). It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s the second installment to whatever. I know that third installments and so on are technically sequels, but that’s going to be a list I’ll be doing for another time…

Now… Shall we begin?

 

10. X-Men: Days of Future Past

This countdown begins with a film that came out only a month and a half ago. I'll admit that it's ballsy to put DOFP on here so soon, but I truly think it's deserves to be here. After being away from any X-Men director's chair for a decade, Bryan Singer was back at the helm for this sequel to the X-Men prequel First Class, and holy fuck did he ever deliver! The stakes in this movie are higher than ever, the old cast from the original trilogy are all back, as well as most of the cast from First Class, and it all came together so seamlessly. The franchise was a mess before 2011, and Singer (along with the help of Matthew Vaughn) cleaned it up and brought it back to life. You may think it's too soon, and you may even argue that it technically doesn't qualify, but who cares? It's on my list, and if you have a problem with that...

 

9. For A Few Dollars More

Not much needs to be said about this one. The Dollars Trilogy is one of the most iconic trilogies of all time, and this is a terrific follow up to the first installment A Fistful of Dollars. The stakes are higher, the characters are more fleshed out, and the addition of Lee Van Cleef to the cast doesn't hurt either. Clint Eastwood gives another stellar performance as The Man With No Name, in what is considered to be the darkest of this Sergio Leone-helmed trilogy. This movie tends to fall below the radar as it's follow up is one of the best movies ever made. But it's still a classic western and more than worthy of being on this list.

8. Toy Story 2

Another no-brainer... This is hands down the best Disney Animated Sequel ever made (although that's not saying much). This follow up to the CG animated masterpiece Toy Story is also a CG animated masterpiece. This one is a lot more character driven as you get to know the origins of Woody and more of the background of Buzz. It also brings some new toys into the mix with Jessie, Bullseye, and the Prospector (Stinky Pete), who are all part of Woody's Roundup, an old tv show. This also has another great antagonist in Al, the toy shop owner who's trying to sell Woody and the rest of his roundup to a museum. A terrific sequel to a terrific movie, that's all I gotta say...

Do you think it's too low on this list? Well, don't get pissed at me just yet...

7. Star Trek Into Darkness



Ok, now you can get pissed! This one is sure to get the comments section raging with keyboard fury. But hey, I love this movie and I'll defend it to my grave.

I absolutely loved JJ Abrams's 2009 reboot of Star Trek, it's one of my all time favourites and I just couldn't wait for a sequel to be made. When I saw this last year, I was blown away from the get go. The action is great, the characters are awesome, Benedict Cumberbatch did an amazing job in portraying Khan, Star Trek's most iconic villain. I know the "throwback" scenes caused a lot of controversy among Trek purists, but to me, I thought it was a great shout out to the Star Trek of old. It breaks new ground for the franchise and still takes its time to pay homage to its roots, and I applaud the movie for that. I know a lot of trekkies hate the Abrams movies and this one especially, but I guess I'm in the minority by saying that this is an amazing sequel and more than worthy of putting on this list...

Are you still pissed about this entry? Well, if you are...

6. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Trekkies can relax now... Did you really think I would do a list of top 10 sequels without including this gem? In terms of how better a sequel is than the first installment, The Wrath of Khan ranks highest in that category. After the colossal failure that was Star Trek The Motion Picture (which is the worst ST movie in my opinion, seriously, did anything even happen in that movie?), director Nicholas Meyer took over the reigns of the franchise and gave it one of its finest, if not the finest film with the name "Star Trek" attached to it. The acting is phenomenal, Ricardo Montalban puts on the performance of his life as Khan Noonien Singh, one of the most memorable movie villains of all time. The chemistry between Shatner and Nimoy has never been better, and Kirstie Alley does great in her first ever role. The story is amazing and inspiring, with a villain whose over-confidence and need for revenge is his downfall, in an almost Ahab-like fashion... Not to mention an ending that can make any grown man ball his eyes out... Seriously, this film is awesome! Absolute slam dunk on this list.

And... well... sorry, I just have to...

 

5. The Godfather Part II

WHAT??? GODFATHER PART II IS ONLY NUMBER 5? SEE YOU AT
THE TOLL BOTH YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!

I know I know, I may have put this one a little too low on this list, but it doesn't mean I don't absolutely love this movie! A masterful companion piece to The Godfather, this movie is part sequel and part prequel, as it tells the story of Michael's reign as the head of the Corleone family, all while telling the tale of young Vito Corleone's rise to power in the early 1920s. The themes of love, family, power, betrayal and vengeance are brilliantly presented and prominent throughout the film. The tone is great, the acting is great, the story is great, okay you get it, it's awesome! Moving on...

 

4. Aliens

Those who know me know that they'd be seeing a James Cameron movie on this list at some point. I'm a Cameron fanboy and this is one of his finest works. How many times has a sequel that's as good if not better than its predecessor, been made with a new director at the helm (and the old director having nothing to do with it)? This is probably the only time that has happened (correct me if I'm wrong, internet). Ridley Scott's Alien is a Sci-fi/Horror masterpiece, hauntingly suspenseful, and still to this day is scary as hell. While James Cameron's Aliens stays true to Ridley Scott's vision, it adds tons of action to the mix, and it fits in wonderfully with all of the other elements. Quotable, suspenseful, action packed, and downright terrifying... This is one of the most well crafted sequels ever made.

3. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

What can I say about this one that hasn't already been said? Nothing really, but I'll ramble on anyways...

After the massive success of Star Wars in 1977, a sequel was a no doubter, and as you could imagine, expectations were high as hippies. In my opinion, TESB didn't meet expectations... it blew them out of the water! This is without a doubt the darkest Star Wars movie, and the best written in my opinion... Oh heck it's the best Star Wars movie of all as far as I'm concerned. The asteroid chase scene is awesome, Darth Vader is as evil as ever, Yoda is cool, Lando is cool, Boba Fett is cool, and the climax is one for ages. This is one of the best movies I've ever seen, and it only gets better with age.

 

2. The Dark Knight

Holy fuck this movie is fucking awesome!!!

Batman Begins is absolutely amazing movie, and to me is a blueprint of how reboots should be done. When this sequel came around... Well, I'll never forget how blown away I was when I saw The Dark Knight in theatres for the first time (and second time for that matter). To paraphrase the Lego Movie: Everything was awesome! The action is pulse pounding, the car/truck chase scene has got to be one of the greatest chases in movies. The suspense is edge of your seat, especially during the attempted rescue of Rachel and Harvey Dent. The acting in this movie is top-notch, I happen to be in the minority when I say I love Christian Bale's performance as Batman, raspy voice and all. Heath Ledger as The Joker... Well, that speaks for itself at this point. Aaron Eckhart was amazing as Harvey Dent, Michael Caine nailed it as Alfred again, and Gary Oldman was perfect for Gordon! The story is just as chaotic as the film's main villain, the cinematography is crisp and breathtaking... Just... Wow! This is an amazing sequel, and it lands at number 2 on this list!

 

 

 

Drum roll please... And my number 1 favourite sequel of all time is...

 

 

 

 

1. Terminator 2: Judgment Day

 



The word "masterpiece" gets thrown around a lot these days, but there's no real other word to describe this movie! 1984's The Terminator has gone down as one of the greatest and most original Sci-fi movies ever made, and expectations with T2 were higher than ever. The result was in my opinion the greatest sequel ever made! Everything about this movie is top notch. The story is fantastic, with the stakes being much higher than they were in the first movie, young John Connor must survive the wrath of the T-1000 and with the help of his mother and the T-800 model 101. The characters have now reached legendary status, the T-800 is one of the most iconic characters in movie history, Sarah Connor might be the most badass chick in a movie not named Ellen Ripley, and the T-1000 is the deadliest villain ever created in the history of film!

 

 

 

The acting is fantastic as everyone plays their roles perfectly, especially Edward Furlong and Linda Hamilton... And Arnie and Robert Patrick. The special effects still hold up to this day, the cinematography is absolutely perfect. The action is relentless, yet the movie still manages to slow down at the right times to give us depth and allow the audience to become connected to these characters. It combines action, human drama, Sci-fi, and horror. I've never seen a movie before or since that has combined all of those elements so seamlessly! Seriously, there's nothing in this movie that takes a back seat, nothing! This is James Cameron's finest piece of work, and in my opinion, the number 1 sequel of all time! It's cinematic perfection!

PS, this is my all time favourite movie, in case you didn't notice.

 

Enjoy this sendoff music...

 

                                      

So yeah, that's my list. Like it? Don't like it? Do you just want to troll? The comments section is down there...

Mad Reviews: Independence Day

I'd like to wish all of my American friends a Happy 4th of July! In the spirit of this day, I'm going to talk about (you guessed it) Independence Day!

Yes, I know I'm not the first reviewer in the world to talk about this movie on this fateful date, but it was either this or Team America: World Police. Since comedies are hard to review (there's only so many times I can say "this part was funny!"), I chose to review one of the greatest pure summer blockbusters of all time! Well, let's get this shit started, shall we?

Independence Day stars Lonestar as US President Tom Whitmore, Dr. Ian Malcolm as David Levinson (although Malcolm is actually playing Jeff Goldblum), Captain Steven Hiller as Will Smith, a bunch of other people with faces, and one of the coke dealers from Scarface. These people must band together in order to save the human race from an alien invasion.

The movie starts on July 2nd with an Imperial Star Destroyer... Err, Alien mother ship flying over the moon. As earthlings discover this bizarre object in the sky, they begin to scramble for information. As the ship breaks off into tinier pieces, politicians and Americans begin to panic even more. As these tinier pieces begin to enter the atmosphere, chaos on earth ensues. People are unsure whether these aliens are friendly or if they're about to wipe out every living thing on earth. Jeff Goldblum doesn't believe they're friendly, and with the use of his Cliché Technobabble Machine, discovers that these aliens are getting ready to shoot atom bombs out of their ships. So he rushes to Washington DC to warn his ex wife and president she was supposedly banging. Thankfully they believe him and they rush out of DC in time. The Fresh Prince's fiancée manages to get out of LA as well, along with the dog Boomer...

Of course, these Aliens end up wiping out New York City (at least Manhattan anyway), Los Angeles, Washington DC, and a bunch of other international cities that don't matter because this movie is for A'muricans!

A counter attack is attempted on the morning of July 3rd, but the alien ships are covered up with Spearmint shielding and the US Air Force gets pounded. Thankfully though, Will Smith manages to capture one of the alien beings by blinding it with a parachute, crashing its ride, and knocking it the fuck out! To all kids reading this, Will Smith was actually awesome in the 90's, and could pretty much beat the shit out of any alien that came his way! Chuck Norris was his fucking secretary!

Will eventually gets this creature over to Lt. Cmdr. Data at Area 51, just around the time that the survivors from DC get there on Air Force One. Unfortunately, Smith forgot to tell Data the alien wasn't dead, and the telekinetic fuckbag begins killing everyone in the autopsy room, including Data! GOD DAMMIT WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO KILL DATA OFF?????

Anyways, this alien eventually communicates with President Lonestar's mind and warns him of earth's impending doom, because humans are stupid and they haven't figured that out yet. They try to nuke these spacecrafts instead of just sending planes after them (why didn't they do this in the first place?), but that fails miserably. Will Smith manages to reunite with his total fox of a fiancée, but Lonestar's wife ends up dying, and the day closes out leaving everyone without hope. I mean, if nukes can't beat them, what can?

We are now on the morning of July 4th (cue title), and Ian Malcolm is all pissed off about how recycling will destroy the world... Because... Uhh... Aliens aren't doing that already. Thanks to his dad warning him about a cold, Goldblum remembers the time when he watched War of the Worlds as a child and decides to rip that movie off. With this, he devises a plan to go into the mothership with an old alien craft, implant a computer virus that'll deactivate all shields, and coordinate a worldwide attack on those motherfuckers. I guess he's really banking on these aliens not renewing their Norton subscription, isn't he?

He goes on this trip with Agent J to the mothership, they dock with it, Goldblum's computer gives a reference to 2001: A Space Odyssey (hey. that movie gave birth to this review site, I guess I'll applaud it for that), and he implants the virus that eventually leads to the aliens' demise... Yep, you got that right, fucking nukes couldn't bring these fuckers down, but a Trojan Tracking Cookie could! WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKK!!!!

So the attack back down on earth isn't working out as well as it hoped, until one drunk redneck decides to go kamikaze on those bastards and flies his jet right into their primary weapon, reversing the effect of the weapon and blowing up the ship! This saves the day as the word spreads out how to beat these guys, and everything ends just fine... ALL BECAUSE OF AMUUUURRRRRICAAAAAAA!!!!

Ok, even though I've satirized and made fun of all of this movie's nonsensical and dumb moments, that's not what this film is about, it's not supposed to make you think. This is a fun, action-packed, over-the-top popcorn movie that you're supposed to go watch and shut your brain off for a while. That's what this movie sets out to do, and it accomplishes that tenfold!

The acting is decent, Jeff Goldblum plays his usual Jeff Goldblum self, and he has mastered that role! Will Smith is cool in this movie, he was a rising star at the time and Independence Day put him on top of the world... Bill Pullman does fine as the president here, although that speech near the end was cheesy as hell!

The writing isn't that good, it does enough to get by, but you're not going to watch this movie to hear a mind-blowing script and amazing dialogue. This an alien disaster thrill ride, not The Godfather.

The action scenes in this movie are breathtaking. Blowing up buildings and plane battles and punching in aliens the fucking face and shit... Yeah, FUCKIN' EH!

All in all, this movie has massive flaws and tons of illogic, but you know what, I think it's fucking awesome! I like it for the same reasons I like Jurassic Park, the story may be weak, but it just has an awe-inspiring factor to it that you can't ignore. Independence Day is a movie that knows what it is, it knows what its purpose is, and just has fun with it, and it allows the audience to have fun with it too. Need I say more?

I'm going to give this movie 896 Will Smith punches in the face out of 1000.

I know that rating might not make sense to you, considering all the problems I pointed out in this review... But hey, maybe I'm just as illogical as this movie is...

As usual, the comments section is down there for you to talk about some random spam diet you're going on that'll make you $1400 or some shit...

I'm out

- Mad Mike of Metal