Friday 31 October 2014

Mad Lists: Top 10 Simpsons Treehouse of Horror Segments




Happy Halloween everybody! Welcome to my Halloween edition of Mad Lists! For this list, I will be counting down my 10 favourite segments of The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episodes!

Back when I was a child, my favourite holiday was Halloween, and who could blame me? Cool costumes, free candy, giving Jehovas a taste of their own medicine? Awesome! But my absolute favourite thing about Halloween was turning on the tv and watching whatever Simpsons Halloween special was on. Some of my most cherished childhood memories was sitting with the family or friends and watching these laugh-a-minute ghoul fests.

Yes, I know the Simpsons aren't what they used to be, and they're Halloween Specials are no exception to that fact, but I like to look back on this show with positivity, instead of thinking about that Kesha intro. So, sit back and watch me countdown my top 10 favourite Treehouse of Horror segments! There are plenty of hilarious, scary, and ghouly ones to choose from, so... Let's do this!





10. Clown Without Pity


 
Homer: "The doll is trying to kill me and the toaster has been laughing at me!"

This countdown begins with a gem from Treehouse of Horror III. In a parody of the Child's Play saga, Homer buys Bart a Krusty doll from a shady, frogurt loving antique shop owner. Turns out that the doll is cursed and wants to kill Homer... But he came with a free frogurt! From then, hilarity ensues... The doll attacks Homer in a bathtub, tries to stab him multiple times, and even makes Homer run around naked causing Aunt Patty to go lesbian! Eventually, a technician arrives and finds that the doll was set to "evil" and we get a happy ending! This is a terrifically funny segment, and for me, one of my top 10 favourites!



9. King Homer



Bart: "Why don't you tell a story, Grampa. You've led an interesting life..."

Grampa: "That's a lie and you know it! But I have seen a lot of movies..."

In this parody of King Kong (no shit), we see Mr Burns taking a full boat crew to a mysterious island. This crew features seamen, Smithers, and Marge as the bait... Uhh... Bait...thing beauty... The bathing beauty! There we go! They get to the island only to find that the natives there are worshipping this "Homer" fellow. Turns out that Homer is a giant prehistoric ape. The natives eventually capture Marge and try to sacrifice her to Homer... But Homer just finds her hair funny and starts twirling it. This segment is fucking awesome! Making Homer the giant ape was genius, and intertwining his character traits with that of a 50 foot ape was beyond hilarity... Especially when he runs out of breath after climbing two stories of the Empire State Building!

 
8. Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace



Homer: "Lousy Smarch weather!"

So Groundskeeper Willie is a psychotic maniac who kills children in their dreams... And this was surprising to who now? Not gonna lie, this one actually scared me a little bit as a child. Laugh if you want, but there's something about Martin's death in this one still freaks me out. However, even with the eeriness of this episode, it still has some hilarious moments. Mostly when Willie becomes a giant bagpipe and Maggie plugs him with her soother. This parody of Nightmare on Elm Street is awesome and more than worthy of putting on this list!

 
7. Dial Z For Zombies


Bart: "Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!"

Homer: "He was a zombie?"

Yep, this segment houses one of the greatest quotes in the history of the show, and having our favourite American family fight off hordes of zombies didn't hurt, either. After finding a book of spells in a mysterious section of the school library, Bart and Lisa decide to go to the pet cemetery to attempt to bring Snowball I back to life. Unfortunately, Bart casts the wrong spell and wakes up every rotting body in the Springfield cemetery... Which apparently is the resting place of George Washington, Albert Einstein, and William Shakespeare! This is definitely one of the funniest TOH's ever made! There are tons of hilarious and quotable lines in this one, such as this very memorable exchange between Homer, Bart and Lisa:


This is a classic TOH segment, and I feel very bad putting it at number 7! But hey, shit happens, right?

 
6. House of Whacks


Matthew Perry: "Hi, I'm Chandler... Could I BE any more of a house?"

In this underrated gem, we see James Bond (the bad one) take control of the Simpsons household... in the form of Hal. This machine does everything: he cooks, he cleans, he prepares the perfect bath for Marge, and other neat stuff. Wait... uhh... Well, except for going AWOL and trying to kill Homer by shoving him head-first into a "table cleaner." The Brosnan bot starts to unravel after seeing Marge naked and having Homer tell him "If I died, Marge would be completely available, for man or machine..." From there, the Brosnan bot begins a plot to kill Homer and have Marge to himself. Through some laughs, the Simpson family manages to get out of this mess pretty unscathed, well... other than Homer having his brains sticking out of the back of his head. Enough of me talking about this one, just fucking watch it because it's awesome!


5. The Raven


Quoth the Raven: "EAT MY SHORTS"

This slice of awesomeness comes from the very first Treehouse of Horror, all the way back in season 2! It's not the funniest segment, it's not even the scariest (as Bart points out in this episode), so why is it on this list, you ask? Because it's fucking awesome, that's why! The way these characters were intertwined with this classic tale from Edgar Allen Poe was absolutely genius, and having Darth fucking Vader himself narrate it was brilliant. Even though most of the segment's script was borrowed from the original poem itself, it spawned one of the greatest moments in Simpsons history: When Homer wants the raven to take the beak from out of his heart, the raven (in the caricature of Bart) replies with "Nevermore." This classic told the story in it's own way, yet still paid homage to the classic horror poem!

 

4. Bart Simpson's Dracula


 Lisa: "Um, dad... That's his crotch."

Not going to lie, I feel like putting this at number 4 is too low, but that just goes to show how awesome these TOH's are! In a parody of every vampire movie ever made, the Simpsons make their way to Mr. Burns mansion, located in....

PENNSYLVANIA! dun-dun-dunnnn....

Anyways, so as our heroes make their way through the mansion, Bart and Lisa start to notice some strange things, such as Burns's shadow playing with a yo-yo, blood disguised as wine, and a secret vampire room that forbids garlic! Eventually, Bart gets bitten by Burns and transforms into a vampire himself, leading to Homer pulling off one of the funniest kills in the history of TOH! Unfortunately, Homer killed the wrong guy and the true head vampire is revealed at the end, which is also a hilarious ending! Moving on...



 
3. Time and Punishment

 
Homer: "Marge, would you kindly pass me a donut?"
Marge: "Donut? What's a donut?"
Homer: "AAAAHHHHH!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
 
Just thinking about this one makes me laugh! When Homer destroys his toaster after getting his hand caught in it (twice!), he fixes it, only to have in turn into a time machine that allows him to chill with Peabody & Sherman! This toaster sends him back to the time when dinosaurs walked the earth. After killing a bug, he returns to present day Springfield to find that Flanders is the ruler of the world! After getting out of that jam, he repeats the cycle only to return to a world where donuts don't exist! That instance of raining donuts might be one of funniest moments in all of television, not to mention when the Simpsons household goes from underwater, to Bart as the Sphinx, to becoming the Flintstones house!

Pound for pound, this is one of the funniest segments in all of TOH, and it earns the bronze medal on this Top 10!

 
2. The Shinning 


Smithers: "Sir, did you ever stop to think that maybe it was doing this that caused the previous caretakers to go insane and murder their families?"

Mr. Burns: "Mmm, perhaps. Tell you what, we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke."
 
This, to me, is the greatest parody of a horror movie ever made, in any medium, ever! I know that's not saying much, but still. This spoof of Stanley Kubrick's classic thriller is filled to the rim with laughs! From the possible lawsuit that Groundskeeper Willie gets Bart out of, to Moe going all la-dee-da when he talks about how happy he is, to Homer having no tv and no beer and making him go something something, to Homer literally scaring himself in the mirror and falling down the stairs! Just so you know, I'm laughing my fucking ass off as I'm writing this because those moments are so fucking brilliant! I can't really describe The Shinning's awesomeness anymore than I already have, so I'll stop here. It's just... Just watch it! And if you've seen it already, then see it again, because it's fucking awesome!


AND NOW... THE NUMBER ONE TREEHOUSE OF HORROR SEGMENT OF ALL TIME IS.......................

 
1. The Devil and Homer Simpson


Lionel Hutz: "That was a right-pretty speech, sir. But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as an agreement under the law which is unbreakable. Which is unbreakable!
...
...
...
... Excuse me, I must use the restroom."


Yes, this is my number 1 choice on this list. Do you disagree with me? Well, let me explain why to you, with help from a few of my friends, they are:

Benedict Arnold
Lizzy Borden
Richard Nixon (I did a favour for him)
John Wilkes Booth
Blackbeard the Pirate
John Dillinger...

... And the starting line of the nineteen seventy-six Philadelphia Flyers!

Okay, all reference aside, if you want to know the core reason of why I love this one more than any other, it's this: Ned Flanders as the Devil was pure fucking genius! It actually makes perfect sense when you think about it. The Devil is a wolf in sheep's clothing, he comes off as your best friend, and he does everything he can to convince you that he doesn't exist. That's Ned in a nutshell! Maybe he's always so religious as a way to cover himself up, did you ever think of that? Okay, I know I'm sounding nuts now, but seriously, Flanders as Satan himself... Brilliance, pure brilliance!

Every line is funny as hell, the premise of Homer's soul depending on a donut is hilarious, and the ill-gotten donut being forever a part of Homer's head will go down as a classic moment in Simpsons lore! To me, this was more than deserving of being number 1! Classic!


Well, there you have it. Do you agree with this top 10? Or am I an idiot? Let me know in the comments.... And before I go, I must say:

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!

- Mad Mike of Metal
 

Monday 20 October 2014

Mad Reviews: Gone Girl




A movie where I can watch Ben Affleck get fucked over repeatedly? I'm sold!

Well, I know I sound like a broken record, but 2014 has been a legendary year for movies in my eyes. Just when I thought this year couldn't get any better, here comes David Fincher with another one of his opuses! I've got to say, this movie surpassed my expectations (which were low because of Ben Affleck) and is right up there with Dawn of the Planet of the Apes as one of the best films I've seen this year! Yeah, it's that good! Fincher has done it again!

We open with a shot of Amy Dunne (played by Rosamund Pike) laying on Ben Affleck's chest, we then hear a narration of Ben Affleck doing his best Patrick Bateman impersonation as he's trying to figure out what his wife is thinking. We immediately get a sense that his marriage is falling apart, and that things can't get any worse for him. We then cut to a scene at the bar where Nick Dunne (Affleck's character) decides to have a drink and play some Life with his twin sister Margo. We learn through exposition that this day is Nick and Amy's 5th wedding anniversary, and Nick couldn't look or act more miserably.


Nick and Margo are just shooting the shit at the bar, when suddenly a neighbour calls Nick at the bar (that is owned by Amy) and tells him that his cat is outside. Nick immediately rushes over to take care of the situation, and realized that the front door was left open. He calls for Amy whom he thinks is home, but to no answer. He looks around the house, and sees his glass table shattered on the floor, and signs of a struggle all over the home. He then realizes his wife is missing, and looks like he couldn't give two shits about it. He's the suspect, isn't he? He's gotta be!

That's what the media is going to make everyone in this movie think... Nick is the culprit, guilty of killing his wife before it's even confirmed that she's dead. I guess this is a segue into what I love about this movie, right? Well, first off, I love the social commentary that's ripe throughout this film! Fincher has always had a knack for turning a mirror on society and showing them how pathetic they look, and this movie is no exception. Throughout Gone Girl, we see members of the media rip Nick apart and draw their own conclusions before any facts are in. They pick apart a picture of him smiling (because he can't just be trying to put on a positive face), they condemn him for taking a selfie with a search volunteer (yeah, he can't be thankful, right?), and they even imply that there's some incest going on between him and Margo! All this while turning this missing woman's case into a national news story, and making Nick the most hated man in America. Don't you just love mass media? Fuck!

This kind of commentary is very relatable to what's going on in the real world with this Ebola shit. Now I mean no disrespect to anyone who has been affected by that disease, but fuck man! The media is just blowing it up! Just like they blow everything else out of proportion, so they can keep you scared, keep you in line, and keep their advertisers happy. Fuck them! Wars have killed more people than ebola has! But they won't mention that, right? Of course not, it doesn't suit their interests! Ugh...

So I'm going to move on before I get carried away with my hatred for the media. So... what else did I love about this movie? Well, the story is great! The plot has so many twists and turns (another staple of Fincher movies), and while they are necessary to drive the story, many of these twists will shock the living hell out of you and change your whole perception of where the film is going. When my girlfriend and I saw this movie, there were quite a few times where we looked at each other and said...

 
Yeah, it was like that, and that's another high point of this movie! It brilliantly keeps you guessing and keeps you engaged throughout, which is saying something given that this film is 2 hours and 30 minutes long. The movie also tells its story in a non-linear fashion (a-la Pulp Fiction or Batman Begins), as we get flashbacks of the relationship between Nick and Amy from time to time. This gives the audience a chance to become invested in these characters, and to try to pinpoint the exact moment where the relationship began to fall apart. These flashbacks are so seamlessly intertwined with the main plot that you won't even notice the time jumps, and that is the result of the brilliant direction this movie has!
 
I'm so good with my segues, aren't I? Anyways, this goes without saying, but David Fincher has once again delivered us a twisted mindfuck of a film! The premise of someone's wife being kidnapped has been done a million times by a million other directors, but Fincher tells this story in such a bold unique way that it feels new! Every scene takes us to the next, every flashback is important, every cut is where it needs to be, every twist and turn is in the exact right place, the pacing is pitch perfect... fuck, everything Fincher did with this movie was masterful! Watching him make this must've been like watching him conduct a symphony, it was that great! Oscar worthy, perhaps? Well, we'll wait and see for that... But seriously, anyone who can make squeeze a great performance out of Ben Affleck deserves some kind of award, right?
 
Onto the acting... and holy shit! The acting in this movie is fan-fucking-tastic! Incase you haven't noticed, I'm not the biggest fan of Ben Affleck (I know, shocking, right? Hope you were sitting when you read that), and I was one of the many people who completely snapped when he was announced as the next Batman. But his performance in this movie has officially won me over! He plays the complex role of Nick Dunne beautifully, and you can tell that playing a man who has been ripped apart by the media and the public was pretty easy for him (maybe that was why he was chosen for the role). Will his great performance stop me from making fun of him? Nope... Sorry, but that's just too much fun!
 
Affleck's acting counterpart Rosamund Pike stole the show in this movie. The character of Amy Dunne is just... fucking nuts! As you get to know her character, you feel less and less sympathy for her, to the point where you just wish she would fucking get offed by someone, anyone! Pike's Oscar worthy performance here brilliantly portrays Amy's slow descent into madness, and just shows what lengths that a sociopathic witch can go to if you piss her off! Seriously, Amy was dead set on being a conniving, backstabbing bitch throughout this whole movie. It was almost gut-wrenching to watch what she would do to people!
 
Bitches be cray cray!
 
 
As for the supporting cast, well... Neil Patrick Harris was downright creepy in this movie. I won't give away too much, but he was a crazy obsessive stalker type of person, and it was eerie for me to watch. Mostly because you don't expect the guy who played Barney Stinson to pull off a role like that, but he knocked it out of the park! Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry also did a great job as Nick's lawyer Tanner, a role that seemed custom-made for him. And Carrie Coon was wonderful as Margo, the voice of reason to Nick's roller coaster of a life. So yeah, the acting and characters were all fantastic and well developed. We might see Rosamund Pike holding a golden statue come February! She was that good!
 
Now the ending of this movie was very disappointing to some people, as it didn't really end on a high note. Now I'm not going to spoil it because I don't want whiny babies bitching at me for ruining the movie, god fucking forbid! Seriously, if you don't want spoilers, then don't go on the internet, simple as that! Fuck! Okay where was I? Oh yeah... So the movie actually ended on a very sour note, and it will leave you feeling very empty. But, then again, that's another staple of Fincher films, as he's not the kind of director who'll uplift his audience (Watch Se7en or The Social Network for proof of that). Fincher's movies are grounded in reality, and reality is a cruel, cruel place. Now I haven't read the book, but from what I've heard, the book ends pretty much the same way. So, I guess Fincher was the perfect man to adapt the novel from page to screen!
 
To conclude, this is one of the best movies I've seen this year, and in my opinion, it's David Fincher's best movie since Fight Club, and that's saying a lot! The story is awesome, the acting is awesome, the characters are brilliant, the social commentary is great, and the ending, while cruel, is the perfect conclusion to this movie! I don't really have any complaints about this movie I can think about. This movie is Oscar bait for sure, and I would love see Fincher get one, he is WAY too overdue!
 
This movie gets 5 treasure hunts out of 5 from me! Man 2014 is so awesome!
 
As usual, troll me in the comments below... Or don't... Not like I give a shit.
 
- Mad Mike of Metal